6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can text with my tongue
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize