He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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