Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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