I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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