dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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