babies were throwing up all over the place
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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