i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize