Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize