I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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