There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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