grandma shit on top of the toilet
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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