I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize