Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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