Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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