My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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