i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize