Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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