my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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