I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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