I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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