actually, I'm a sock model
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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