I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize