He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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