Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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