You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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