I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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