So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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