can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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