Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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