last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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