i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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