the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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