his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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