You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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