I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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