Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize