I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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