well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize