My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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