and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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