just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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