Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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