I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize