You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
try to milk me bitch
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