I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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