apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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