i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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