At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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