Don't make out with my wife yet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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