Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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